


A Merry Little Christmas

by KJaneway115



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Fluff, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-02-20 16:11:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13150257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KJaneway115/pseuds/KJaneway115
Summary: Chakotay and Kathryn search for family and meaning at Christmastime.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My annual tradition of a J/C Christmas story. Merry Christmas to all my readers and especially my fellow VAMBies.
> 
> Special thanks to Vestal Virgin for the beta.

_**Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas** _

**By KJaneway115**

* * *

 

The shopping center bustled with activity.  Decorations in red and green adorned the walkways, complete with gold and silver balls, bells and bows.  Strains of “Frosty the Snowman” played through the mall’s high-tech sound system, and in every lift, the computer cheerfully wished the passengers “Happy Holidays” or “Season’s Greetings,” upon their exit.  In the center of the complex stood a giant, holographic tree, covered with holographic candles that flickered as shoppers passed.  Festive clothing, jewelry and gifts filled the shops, and friendly clerks eagerly helped their customers find the perfect holiday gift for a loved one.

Chakotay had never been much of a fan of gaudy decorations and all the hype that surrounded the holidays.  As a frantic shopper bumped into him, he wondered why he had bothered to come to the mall at this time of year at all.  He also wondered why, of all the colonies in the galaxy, he had to be stationed here—Caladria Prime, a primarily human colony known throughout the quadrant for its gigantic shopping center.

Most of Chakotay’s adult life, he had ignored the traditional Earth holidays altogether.  They weren’t the customs of his people.  He hadn’t grown up with them, and his first exposure to a traditional Christmas had been during his Academy days.  At the time, he had been far too focused on his studies and concerned about impressing his sponsor, Captain Sulu, to spend time baking sweets, putting up decorations or attending holiday parties.

As a mother walked past him with two little girls in tow, he was reminded of what had brought him to the shopping center.  He had to find a gift for Miral.  _You could have just ordered something and had it sent_ , he reminded himself grumpily.  _Then you wouldn’t have had to come to this ridiculous shopping mall._

He sighed.  He could have ordered something standard—a game or a toy or a doll that would be easy to ship anywhere in the quadrant.  But he hadn’t wanted that.  He wanted Miral to have something unique.  She’d be five years old this Christmas, and she was so looking forward to it this year that he wanted to help make it truly special.  

In addition to having all of the standard stores and items, the shopping center on Caladria Prime was known for having several unique vendors with handmade items.  He had been trying to find the corridor where they were located since his arrival almost a half hour earlier, but so far hadn’t had any luck.  Finally, he managed to find a computer console with a map of the mall.  He examined the map and realized where he had made his misstep, then set out through the busy corridors again, trying to avoid frantic shoppers and their many packages.

As Chakotay fought the feelings of annoyance that he felt towards the passersby, he heard the strains of another familiar tune.  As he listened to the piped-in music, his steps slowed, and he was taken back to the first time he’d ever heard the song.  _“Have yourself a merry little Christmas.  Make the yuletide gay.  From now on our troubles will be miles away.”_   It had been on _Voyager_ , the only time in his life he’d ever celebrated Christmas and enjoyed it.

Their first year in the Delta Quadrant, a group of lower ranking officers had approached him and Kathryn with a special request.  “Captain,” Samantha Wildman, pregnant at the time, had said, “we’d like your permission to plan a Christmas party.  Neelix has agreed to let us use the mess hall.  We think it would be a nice tradition to start.”  Her hand had gone to her stomach.  “I’d like my daughter to grow up with Christmas in her life.”

“It’s something both crews could do together, Commander,” Ensign Fitzpatrick, a former Maquis, had added.  “Christmas is something both Maquis and Starfleet crew members have in common.”

Chakotay had looked at Kathryn with a shrug.  It didn’t much matter to him what the crew did about Christmas.  If they wanted to have a party, they were more than welcome as far as he was concerned.  He imagined the captain would have the same outlook.  He was surprised when she had greeted the idea with enthusiasm and then encouraged the entire senior staff to attend the party.

He had attended begrudgingly, because it was his duty, and had been surprised to find himself having a good time, enjoying the company of his crew and hers alike.  It was one of the few occasions on _Voyager_ that everyone attended out of uniform, and he remembered, that first year, that Kathryn had worn a very flattering black dress.  “Captain,” he had said, trying not to stutter, “you look beautiful.”

She had blushed and appraised his outfit—brown leather pants from his Maquis days with a t-shirt and a blazer, and told him that he ‘cleaned up pretty good himself.’

In the following years, the _Voyager_ Christmas party had become an occasion that everyone looked forward to, including him, if for no other reason than he enjoyed seeing Kathryn dress up and forget about the burdens of being Voyager’s captain for a few hours.  The party was always filled with the warmth of the family they had created, and members of the crew frequently performed or shared their holiday traditions.  That was when he’d first heard the tune still playing over the mall speakers, as a clarinet solo performed by Harry Kim.  It had only been later that he’d learned the words.  _“Through the years we all will be together if the fates allow.”_  

Chakotay shook his head, gritted his teeth and forged ahead through the corridor.  _We all will be together my ass_ , he thought.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  The close-knit community they had created on _Voyager_ had dissipated once they’d returned to the Alpha Quadrant.  It hadn’t been due to any sort of calculated effort; the natural course of life had separated them.

B’Elanna and Tom had taken jobs on the Mars Colony.  Harry Kim had accepted a posting on a new Sovereign class vessel.  Tuvok had returned to Vulcan, where he had remained, teaching at the Vulcan Science Academy, after being treated for the degenerative illness he had suffered from during their last few months in the Delta Quadrant.  The Doctor had been offered a job at the Daystrom Institute, which he had proudly accepted, and Seven of Nine was traveling the quadrant teaching planetary governments and security officials strategies to prevent Borg attacks.  Kathryn had accepted a promotion to vice admiral and was stationed in San Francisco.  The rest of their crew was scattered across the quadrant, everywhere from Earth to Deep Space 9 to Vulcan to Betazed to Dorvan V and anywhere in between.

He was on the colony at Caladria Prime, doing research at a nearby archaeological dig.  He had been there for six months.  Since _Voyager_ ’s return to the Alpha Quadrant, Chakotay had been drifting, unable to find work that fulfilled him.  He sighed.  As stressful and dangerous as it had been, he missed the days in the Delta Quadrant when his purpose had been clear, and he had been surrounded by the truest family he had ever known.

_Voyager_ ’s homecoming had been a shock to his system.  The ship itself had been quickly commandeered by Starfleet’s research and development department.  Many of the crew departed immediately to spend time with their families, but he had no family beyond a cousin in Ohio who he didn’t know very well.  His cousin had been very generous and hospitable, but they’d soon discovered that they had little in common, and Chakotay hadn’t wanted to intrude on anyone else’s family time.  Seven had connected with her aunt in Sweden, and the fledgling relationship that he and Seven had begun on _Voyager_ quickly dissolved.  Kathryn, his closest friend, had been overwhelmed with demands from Starfleet brass.  He’d found himself at loose ends, so he’d accepted the first opportunity that came his way.  The post as interim commander on a deep space station had been just the first in a long string of assignments that had culminated in Caladria Prime.    

“Can I help you, sir?”  

The question jolted Chakotay from his thoughts.  “Oh, excuse me,” he said to the petite, grey-haired woman standing in front of him.

“Would you like to come in?” she asked, gesturing to the store he had stopped in front of.  “Have a look around?”

Chakotay realized that his path had finally brought him to the section of the mall he’d been looking for, and he was standing in front of a boutique that appeared to be full of handmade items.  “Sure,” he said.  “Thanks.”

“Are you looking for anything in particular?”

“Um.  A gift.”

The elderly lady chuckled, her green eyes sparkling from behind her glasses.  “Most people are, this time of year.”

“I’m sorry,” Chakotay said, blushing.  “I guess that was obvious.”

“No need to apologize, young man.  Haven’t gotten out much lately, have you?”

Chakotay knew that he should have been offended by the remark from a total stranger, but something about the woman’s demeanor made him laugh instead.  “No, I haven’t.”  He started to wander through the store.  It contained a mish-mosh of different items, and he couldn’t figure out how it was organized.

“So what is this gift you’re looking for?” the saleswoman asked.

“I want something for my niece,” he explained.  “Well, she’s not really my niece.  She’s…”

“A friend’s child?” the woman asked.

He nodded.

“A close friend?”

He nodded again.

“How old is the child?”

“She’s five.  She’s a wonderful little girl.  I’ve known her since the day she was born.  She’s spunky, but also sensitive.  And this year, I’d like to get her something special.”

The woman smiled.  “She’s very lucky to have you as an uncle, Mister…?”

“Chakotay,” he introduced himself, extending his hand.

“A pleasure, Mr. Chakotay.  I’m Dorothy.”

“Is this your shop?”

“It is.  I’ve made a good deal of what’s here myself, although some of the items were made by friends of mine.  The jewelry in that case, for example.  I could never hope to do that kind of work.”

“What do you have for a little girl?” Chakotay asked.

“Oh, I think I have just the thing you’re looking for,” Dorothy said, and led Chakotay to the back corner of the store where there were several shelves of dolls in all shapes and sizes.  The dolls were about half a meter tall, and their features were very lifelike.

“These are beautiful,” Chakotay said, picking up a doll dressed in a Starfleet medical uniform and holding a toy tricorder.

“Thank you,” Dorothy replied.  “Do you like that one?”

“I do, but I’m not sure it’s the right one for Miral.  I’m just going to look at these for a moment, if it’s all right?”

Dorothy nodded and stepped away to help another customer as Chakotay examined the dolls.  _Which one would Miral like?_ he wondered as he put down the Starfleet doctor and picked up another doll.  This one looked like she could have been a part of his tribe when he was growing up.  She was even wearing traditional native clothing.  As he held the doll and felt the coarse fabric of her tunic, a memory flashed before his eyes, of his sister playing with a similar doll when they were children, before the Cardassians came.  He shook his head and put the doll down, blinking back the memory and trying to forget how much he missed his sister.  There was a Vulcan doll wearing traditional Vulcan robes and a Klingon doll in battle armor.

“Having trouble deciding?” he heard Dorothy ask as she approached him again.

“I don’t know what she’d like,” he admitted.  “I’ve known her since she was born, but I haven’t been able to spend much time with her over the past few years.  She lives on Mars, and I usually only see her during subspace calls.”

“Just keep looking,” Dorothy encouraged.  “When you see the right one, you’ll know.  If this little girl is as precocious as she sounds, she’ll want a doll that she can go on adventures with.”

And with that, the elderly lady disappeared again.  _Adventures_ , Chakotay thought as he continued to look through the dolls.  There were dolls whose clothing denoted different time periods during Earth’s history, including a World War II soldier, a Hawaiian hula dancer and a ballerina dressed in white.  There were dolls whose clothes and accessories denoted a myriad of different occupations.  And then Chakotay saw a doll with short, black hair just like Miral’s, wearing a Starfleet captain’s uniform.  _Adventures_ , he thought.  _This is the perfect doll to take on adventures._ He pulled the doll off the shelf and examined her.  _Yes_ , he thought as he held her in his hands.  _This is the one._   He brought the doll to Dorothy.

“An excellent choice,” she said.  “Are you sure there isn’t anything else you need while you’re here?”

“No, I don’t think so.  Just that.”

“No one else you’ll be wanting to buy a gift for?”

“Not today, thanks.”

Dorothy started to wrap up the doll.  “Tell me, will you be delivering this gift to your little friend in person?”

“Unfortunately, I don’t think I can get away.”

“Are you sure, Mr. Chakotay?  Everyone deserves a little time off at the holidays.”

“Well, I don’t really celebrate, you see, and…”

“Seems to me like you’re celebrating just fine with this lovely gift,” Dorothy countered.  “Besides, don’t you think the best Christmas present for your little niece would be getting to see her Uncle Chakotay in person?”

The question made Chakotay pause.  Dorothy had a good point.  He hadn’t even considered taking time off for the holidays, but most of his team had already arranged to go away for several days.  The dig was in progress, but it wasn’t time sensitive.  He supposed he could take a few days off and go visit Tom and B’Elanna on Mars.  It had been nearly a year since he had last seen them in person.  “You know what, Dorothy?” he said slowly.  “I think that’s a great idea.  I am going to see if I can go in person.”

Dorothy smiled.  “Good for you, young man.  You look like you need some holiday spirit in your life.  Now why don’t you look around and see if there’s anything else you need.”

With a sigh, Chakotay obeyed the elderly woman’s wishes, partially because it was so hard to disagree with her, and partially because if he was going to visit Tom and B’Elanna, he’d need gifts for them, too.  He quickly found an antique model of a twentieth century car that he knew Tom would love and a set of mugs that he hoped B’Elanna would like in her kitchen.  He was on his way back to Dorothy when something else caught his eye.

The ornament was hidden behind several others in the back of a holiday display, but it caught the light at just the right moment to grab Chakotay’s attention.  He moved closer to the sparkling object, shifting his other items into one hand, and reached out to pick it up.  It was a beautiful, crystal star that sparkled in the light.  He turned it in his hand and it cast glistening rainbows on the ceiling of the store.  _Kathryn would love this_ , he thought, smiling.

“Where did you find that?” Dorothy asked.

The star was mesmerizing, and Chakotay had a hard time tearing his eyes from it to look up at Dorothy.  “It was at the back of this display.”  He looked at her more closely, and realized she seemed upset.  “Dorothy, are you all right?”

“My husband made those,” she said, stepping closer to him and gesturing to the ornament.  “They’re made of caladrian crystal.  It’s extremely rare, can only be found in this system.  I didn’t think I had any more.”

“Your husband doesn’t make them anymore?” Chakotay asked.

Dorothy looked away.  “He’s been gone for several years now.  Died of a rare disease.  One of those few that there still isn’t any cure for.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I haven’t seen one of those stars since not long after he died.  I don’t understand how you found it just now.”

“It was right here in this display,” Chakotay said, holding out the crystal.  “Is it not for sale?”

Dorothy stepped closer and took the star out of his hand.  She looked at it for a long time, a melancholy, wistful look on her face.  “John must’ve wanted you to have it,” she said softly.  “Lord knows I have plenty of things he made for me over the years.”  She showed Chakotay her wrist.  “This watch, for example.  It was the last Christmas gift he gave me before…”  The elderly woman swallowed hard and turned away.

Chakotay put his hand on her shoulder, feeling a lump rise in his own throat.  “You can take the star, Dorothy.  I don’t need it.”

“No,” she said, turning back to him and wiping away her tears.  “I think that star is meant for you.  Otherwise, I would have found it long ago.  I’ll have you know, I take meticulous inventory around here.”

Chakotay chuckled.  “I’m sure you do.”

“You take that star, young man.”

“Okay, Dorothy.  I’ll take the star, too.”  He brought the rest of his purchases over to the counter where she had wrapped the doll.

“What made the star catch your eye?” she asked as she wrapped up Tom and B’Elanna’s gifts.

“The light, I guess.”

“No, it wasn’t just that.  What made you want to pick it up?”

“It reminds me of someone,” he admitted.

“Ah.  Someone special.”

Chakotay’s gaze fell to the floor.  “Yes.  Someone very special.  We talk over subspace every now and then, but I haven’t seen her in years.”

“If she’s so special, why haven’t you made the effort to see her?” Dorothy asked pointedly.

“Our schedules just never seem to match up,” Chakotay said, sensing even as he said it that the lame excuse wouldn’t go very far with the grey haired woman with sparkling green eyes.

Sure enough, she replied, “That’s a convenient excuse.”  She finished wrapping the packages and then looked him straight in the eye.  “Life is short, young man.  If you want to tell this woman how special she is to you, there’s no time like the present, and there’s certainly no time like the holidays.  It’s the best time of year to show people that you care about them.  There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t miss my John and wish he was still by my side, but in spite of that, I’m grateful for all the years we had together.”  She paused, and her eyes got misty.  “They were the best years of my life.  I couldn’t have asked for a better partner.”

“It’s not like that, Dorothy.  It’s complicated.”

Dorothy rolled her eyes.  “Oh pshaw!  Things are as complicated as we make them.”

“It’s been years since we’ve seen each other.  I don’t even know if we still share the connection that we once did.”  Chakotay sighed and looked away from Dorothy’s penetrating gaze.  _Voyager_ seemed like such a long time ago.

“Is she married?” Dorothy asked.

“No.”

“Are you married?”

“No.”

“In a serious relationship?”

Chakotay shook his head.  He’d had a string of relationships over the years, but they’d been about as passionate and serious as the string of jobs he’d taken.  As far as he knew, Kathryn was and always had been married to her work.

“Well then, I don’t see what the problem is.  If you go to see her and the feelings you once had are gone, then you know you can move on with your life.  And if not…”  Dorothy got a dangerous twinkle in her eye.  “Well, if not, the Christmas season can be awfully romantic.”

Chakotay laughed.  He wasn’t sure how coming into a shop to buy a simple gift for Miral had turned into a conversation about his love life.  “We’ll see,” he said.  “She lives on Earth, not on Mars.  I don’t know if I’ll see her, even if I do get to take some leave and go visit my friends and their daughter.”

“Tsk tsk tsk,” Dorothy clucked as she put his packages in a shopping bag.  “A special woman deserves a special gift for Christmas, don’t you think?  And that star is one of a kind.”

“It did make me think of Kathryn,” Chakotay admitted softly.  “Maybe I’ll send it to her.”

“If that’s the way you want it,” Dorothy said, handing him the bag.  She fixed him with her penetrating gaze again.  “Don’t forget what I said, young man.  You don’t want to get to be old and grey like me and look back and wish you’d done it differently.”

The words sent a shiver down Chakotay’s spine.  She was right; he didn’t.  “Thank you for your help today, Dorothy,” he said, looking the kind old woman in the eyes.  “You have a Merry Christmas.”

“I will, young man.  You make sure you have yourself a Merry Christmas, too!”

With a newfound spring in his step, Chakotay left the shop, his arms now laden with packages.  He greeted fellow passing shoppers with a smile and helped a lady whose arms were overburdened to get all her bags into a shopping cart.  _Have yourself a merry little Christmas_ , the words ran through his mind.  Let your heart be light.  He resolved, as soon as he got home, to tell everyone at the dig site to take a full week off for the holidays.  Then he would contact Tom and B’Elanna and make plans to go visit them on Mars.

* * *

Kathryn Janeway placed the final PADD in the stack on her desk with a sigh.  _Face it_ , Kathryn, she said to herself, _you’re worn out.  You need a break._ She looked at the PADDs she had just finished reading.  In general, she enjoyed her work in the admiralty, especially when it meant getting out from behind her desk and being in the field, supervising projects, inspecting space stations, going from starship to starship giving captains their quarterly reviews.  But there had been little work in the field of late, and the hours had been grueling.  She couldn’t remember the last time she’d had a day off.  Fortunately, it was nearly Christmas and the latest crisis seemed to have abated.  It looked like her work load for the next week would be significantly slower.  She might even be able to find some time for herself.

Her comm buzzed, and she fought to keep her features neutral as she answered it.  If this was one more request for her to review a report…  But it wasn’t.  On the computer terminal, her mother’s face appeared.  “Hi, honey,” Gretchen Janeway said.

“Hi, Mom.”

“Do you still want to come over today?  I’m doing some baking.”

“Oh!  I completely forgot,” Kathryn admitted.  Then, seeing her mother’s face fall, she added hurriedly, “I’m almost finished here.  I’ll head right over.”

“That’s good, because I won’t have much other time to see you before I leave for Phoebe’s on Friday.”

“Okay, Mom.  Don’t worry.  I’ll be there soon.”  Kathryn ended the comm call and hurriedly finished up in her office.  She let her aide go home and closed up for the day, then headed towards the nearest transporter room.  She couldn’t believe she had forgotten her promise to visit her mother that evening.  In a few days, Gretchen would be leaving for Lavinius IV, where she would spend Christmas with Phoebe and her family.  Kathryn had been invited, but she had declined, unable to guarantee that she could get away from Starfleet Command for long enough to make the trip possible.  In past years, Phoebe and her now-husband, Andrew, had come to Earth for the holidays, but this year, they had a new baby and had decided to stay home.  Gretchen had clearly wanted to spend the holidays with her new granddaughter, and Kathryn, not wanting to stand in the way, had insisted that she go.  

Kathryn arrived in the transporter room and gave the operator her coordinates.  

“Aye, Admiral,” the ensign replied, familiar with Janeway’s preference to be called by her title as opposed to ‘ma’am’ or ‘sir.’.  “Merry Christmas, Admiral.”  
 

“Thank you, Ensign.  Energize,” she ordered.  A few minutes later, she found herself standing on her mother’s front lawn on the outskirts of Bloomington, Indiana.  She walked up the old porch steps, which creaked under her boots, and rang the doorbell.

Gretchen Janeway answered the door wearing an apron, and she brushed the flour off her hands before hugging her daughter.  “So glad you could make it, sweetie,” she said, ushering her oldest inside.

“Mom, it smells great.”

“Oh, good.  I’m just finishing up the pumpkin cookies.  Can I get you a cup of coffee?”

“I can make it myself, Mom, thanks.  You’re busy.”

“It’s never any trouble to make a cup of coffee for my daughter.”

Kathryn smiled.  “Thanks, but I’ll make it.  You can finish up the cookies.”  Kathryn made herself a cup of coffee and pulled up a stool next to the kitchen counter.  She watched as her mother added some cinnamon and ginger to the batter in her old-fashioned mixer.  “I can’t believe you still do all your holiday baking by hand.”

“Of course.  Why should I change now?  It’s worked for me so far,” Gretchen replied with a twinkle in her eye.  “I’ll send some home with you.  This is the last batch of cookies I’m making before I leave.  I have caramel brownies for you, too.”

“Sounds great, Mom.”

“So what are you doing for Christmas?” Gretchen asked, and Kathryn could hear in her tone the thinly veiled disappointment that she wouldn’t be going with her mother to Phoebe’s.

“I don’t know yet.  I’m still waiting to see what my workload will be like.”

“Surely you can take a few days off, Kathryn.”

“I probably can, Mom, but I couldn’t be sure in time to make travel plans.”  She paused.  “I’m sorry I’m going to miss Christmas with the family this year.”

“I don’t want you to feel guilty,” her mother replied.  “I just want you to be there.”

“Next year,” Kathryn reassured her mother.  “Next year, I’ll be there.  Next year, we’ll all be together.”

Gretchen sighed and opened the mixer, pulling the bowl out and placing it next to a baking sheet.  She started to scoop spoonfuls of the batter onto the cookie sheet.  “So what are you going to do?  You never answered my question.”

“I really don’t know.  I’m sure I’ll figure something out.”

“Is there anyone else from your crew you might want to have Christmas with?  Didn’t you used to do that on _Voyager_?”

“Yes, we did,” Kathryn replied, trying to keep the annoyance she felt out of her tone.  “But everyone’s so spread out now, and most of them have their own families and friends.  Really, it’s okay, Mom.  I appreciate your concern, but I’ll be fine.  And I’ve already made plans to go and visit Phoebe next month.”

“Okay,” Gretchen replied, only sounding mildly offended.  “I’ll stay out of it.  Now tell me what else is going on.”

The conversation turned to more mundane matters, and Kathryn managed to have an enjoyable evening with her mother.  They ate dinner, shared a bottle of wine, and then each had one of Gretchen’s fresh baked cookies.  Gretchen sent her daughter home with a container of Christmas cookies, and Kathryn reminded her mother that all her gifts for the family had already been sent to Phoebe’s.  They hugged warmly, and Kathryn commed San Francisco for a beam out.  She realized she had left some PADDs that she needed in her office in her haste to get to Indiana, so she returned to Starfleet Headquarters and then decided to walk home from there.

Most of the stores along her route had already closed for the night, but the windows were lined with holiday decorations and illuminated by colored lights.  She breathed in the cool, clear San Francisco night air and enjoyed the quiet evening.  The sidewalk was almost deserted at the late hour, and her boots clicked on the pavement as she walked.

She felt a pang of sadness and wished for a moment that she had decided to take leave and go with her mother to Lavinius, but it was too late for that, now.  The Christmas season was filled with memories, and being at her mother’s house that afternoon, surrounded by all the old decorations and ornaments, had brought them all to the surface.  She remembered Phoebe crawling into her bed at night on Christmas Eve, and laughing and giggling until one of their parents discovered them and told them to go into their own rooms and go to sleep.  She remembered sitting around the tree with her family, including her grandmother and her father before they had passed away, opening gifts on Christmas Day.  She remembered how good it had felt to be home for the holidays when she’d been a student at the Academy, and how grateful she’d been when she’d made it home during her early days on assignment as an ensign or lieutenant.  Gretchen had always made the house feel festive and joyful during the holidays, even after Edward Janeway’s untimely passing.  On _Voyager_ , Kathryn had tried to do the same for her crew, no matter how melancholy she’d been feeling herself at the time.

Kathryn looked wistfully up at the stars.  Her seven years in the Delta Quadrant had been trying, no doubt.  Everyone on that ship had been tested, stretched to their limits and pushed to their breaking point.  Kathryn had had to make some of the most difficult choices of her life out there, and she didn’t miss the feelings of isolation and guilt that had been her constant companions.  But finally, five years later, those feelings were no longer a constant, and she missed the good things about _Voyager_.  She missed the family she’d created there.  She kept in touch with all of them, of course, and regularly checked in on their careers, families and personal lives.  But it wasn’t the same as all of them being together.

Her route home from Starfleet Headquarters took her past her favorite coffee shop, the Night Owl, and as its name suggested, it was open late hours.  She went inside, thinking that a hot drink would be just the thing to combat the chilly night air on the rest of her walk home.  Like all the other shops on the street, the Night Owl was decorated for Christmas, and holiday songs were playing.

“Good evening, Admiral,” the young man behind the coffee bar greeted her.  “You’re out late tonight.”

“Hello, Tony.  I had dinner with my mother, and then had to go back to the office.”  She knew all the staff at the Night Owl, as she was a regular customer at all hours of the day.

“What can I get you this evening?  The usual?”

“It sounds tempting, but I think I better stick to decaf at this late hour.  And I’ll take it to go, please.”

“Coming right up,” Tony replied.  He filled a cup with black coffee.  As he was pouring, he looked at her over his shoulder.  “Decaf, huh?”

“I’m trying to be good.  My first officer used to tease me mercilessly about my caffeine intake.  ‘You’ll never get any sleep after that, Kathryn,’ he used to tell me,” she said, imitating Chakotay’s tone of voice and inflection.  “Of course, in those days, I didn’t get any sleep, so it didn’t matter.”

“That was on _Voyager_?” Tony asked, his eyes bright.

“Yes, it was.”  Kathryn smiled.  Tony’s eyes lit up whenever she told a story from _Voyager_ , and he had obviously taken an interest in the crew and the history of their mission.  It was strange to think that now it was history; it seemed like only yesterday that she had been tasting Neelix’s latest concoction or playing a round of Velocity with Seven.

“Here’s your coffee, Admiral,” Tony said, handing her the cup.  Kathryn scanned her card to pay for the drink and left Tony a nice tip.  “Have a Merry Christmas.”

“You, too, Tony.”  As she left the Night Owl, she heard the words of the song that was playing.  “Through the years we all will be together, if the fates allow.  Hang a shining star upon the highest bow.”

She blinked back sudden tears.  She’d heard the song many times in her childhood, but the most visceral memories it elicited were from the _Voyager_ years.  Harry had played the song on the clarinet one year at the _Voyager_ Christmas party, and then, years later, Seven and the Doctor had sung the song as a duet.

She reached her apartment building, took the lift up the sixty-eight flights to the top floor, and opened the door to her San Francisco apartment.  She’d hung no Christmas decorations, strung no lights and bought no tree.  She hadn’t had time for any of that.  And she’d always felt that Christmas was only truly joyful when shared with people she cared about.  For her, it had never been about fancy decorations or a Christmas tree.  It had always been about being together with friends and family.  Internally, she berated herself.  She should have taken the time off to go with her mother to Phoebe’s.

“Computer,” she ordered, “play music selection, holiday songs, Earth, traditional.”

A well-known carol began to play, and Kathryn suddenly felt inspired.  A memory stirred of being a very little girl and baking for Christmas with her grandmother.  She smiled as she thought about how excited she had felt, and she cherished the precious memory of being with her grandmother.  

“I bet I could make that recipe,” she murmured, and went to her computer console to look it up.  “Everyone in my office would love it.”  She laughed to herself.  “And they’ll all be shocked that Admiral Kathryn Janeway actually cooked something.”

The recipe was simple and didn’t require any real baking.  She replicated the ingredients and decided to make the bars the traditional way, as she had with her grandmother.  She spread peanuts and marshmallows in a pan and melted some butter and peanut butter in a pot over the single burner she kept in her apartment in case the replicator broke down.  As the butter melted, she added chocolate chips and butterscotch chips to the pot and stirred as they all melted together.  She inhaled deeply, and the scent took her right back to the happy-go-lucky Christmases of her youth.

As she poured her chocolate mixture into the pan and mixed everything together, then put it aside to chill, Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas began to play, this time sung by the ancient Earth entertainer Bing Crosby.  _Faithful friends who are dear to us gather near to us once more_ , Bing sang.  Her mind strayed to the most faithful friend she had ever known, and she wondered what he was doing right now.

Her bars in the oven, she sat down at her computer terminal and typed a quick message.  “Dear Chakotay, I was just thinking of you and wondering what you’re doing for the holiday.  Hope all is well on Caladria.  All my best, Kathryn.”  She sent the message and sat back in her chair.  She missed Chakotay.  She missed all of them.  Her mind wandered back to the lyrics of the song.  _We all will be together_ , it said, _if the fates allow._ Well, the fates hadn’t allowed it, but maybe it was time to change that.


	2. Chapter 2

Savory smells filled the house, all emanating from the kitchen where several dishes were being prepared at once.  While Tom glazed the ham, Chakotay peeled carrots and parsnips.  B’Elanna Torres smiled; she had been so glad when Chakotay had contacted them and casually asked whether they had any company for Christmas.  Of course, she and Tom had immediately invited him to come and stay with them.  B’Elanna, Tom and Miral would visit Tom’s parents on Christmas Day, but they hadn’t had any plans for Christmas Eve, and having a special dinner with Chakotay had sounded like the perfect plan.

B’Elanna’s father had celebrated Christmas, but her mother had not, and after her father left them, Christmas had stopped in her house, so she didn’t have many happy memories associated with it before _Voyager_.  Tom’s family had always hosted lavish Christmas parties, and he had fond memories of the holiday as a child.  Together, they had resolved to make Christmas a happy occasion for their daughter.

“Excuse me,” Tom said playfully, coming up behind his wife and embracing her, his hands folding over her stomach.  “I just need to get in this drawer here.”  He placed kisses along her neck as he reached around her.

“Do you, flyboy?” she asked him, equally playfully.  “Are you ready to pay for that?”

“Hm,” he murmured, “I guess it depends on what the payment is.”

She laughed and moved to the side so he could reach the utensil he needed.  “I’m sure you can come up with something.”

Chakotay watched the couple out of the corner of his eye as he put the carrots and parsnips on the stove, glad to see one of his oldest friends so happy.  He had been thoroughly enjoying the time spent with Tom, B’Elanna and Miral since his arrival.  Spending time with them made him realize how badly he missed having close friends in his life.  Miral was a delight and utterly enamored with her Uncle Chakotay.  Over the past three days, they had played games and gone on pretend adventures together.  He’d even taken her on a short hike at a nearby trail, in a park that had been terraformed, and he’d pointed out many of the different plants and animals to her.

He inhaled the aroma of the mulled wine cooking next to him.  The recipe had come from Sandra Peterson, who had contributed the beverage to many a Voyager Christmas gathering.  The smell brought him back to parties in the mess hall, filled with laughter, conversation and music.

He was so absorbed in his thoughts, he didn’t hear B’Elanna come up alongside him.  “Hey,” she said, slipping an arm around his waist.

He draped an arm over her shoulders and squeezed her against him.  “I was just thinking about Christmas on _Voyager_.”

“I always think about it at this time of year.  That was the first time I really enjoyed Christmas.”

“Me, too.”  He looked around the kitchen.  “You’re obviously enjoying it now, though.”    

“Yes.  Tom’s family has lots of wonderful traditions, and we decided we wanted Miral to grow up with good memories of the holiday season.  Besides, it’s so fun to see her enjoying it.”

“Watching her makes the holiday seem more joyful for everyone, doesn’t it?” Chakotay replied.

At that moment, his niece walked in to the kitchen.  “Mama, can Uncle Chakotay come play with me?” she asked.  “I’m tired of coloring.”

“I’m finishing up these veggies, Mira-mir,” he replied, using the pet name he’d adopted for her.  “Then I might have a little bit of time to come play before dinner.”

“I’ll finish this up,” B’Elanna said to Chakotay, her tone teasing.  “That way the kids can go play.”

Chakotay laughed.  “It’s been a long time since I’ve been called one of the kids.”

“Well, enjoy it, old man,” B’Elanna replied.  “It may not happen again.”  She took the spatula from him and started to stir the vegetables while Chakotay left the kitchen with Miral.  B’Elanna glanced over at her husband, who was making a glaze for the ham.  “It’s good to see him smile,” she said.

Tom nodded.  “In the Delta Quadrant, he gave all of us guidance.  He was the one we could turn to when we didn’t know how to handle a situation.  But since we’ve gotten home, I think he’s the one who’s needed guidance.”

“If he would admit it to himself,” B’Elanna said.

“I think he’s just lost without her,” said Tom.  “Why neither of them could ever see it, I’ll never understand.  Their connection seemed so obvious to the rest of us…”  He trailed off and walked over to his wife so he could whisper in her ear.  “What do you think his reaction will be to his surprise gift?”

B’Elanna pressed her finger to her lips.  “Shh!”

“He can’t hear me.  He’s completely absorbed in our daughter,” Tom whispered, his hands winding around his wife’s waist.  He leaned forward and kissed her.  

She pulled back with a grin on her face.  “You’re more excited about Chakotay’s surprise than Miral is about Santa!”

Tom laughed.  “Maybe.”  He paused, his expression turning serious again.  “I just want him to be happy, to have the good life he deserves.  And frankly, I want the same for her.  All these years, I’ve never seen her look at anyone the way she used to look at him.  There’s got to be more to life than work, even for her.”  He cradled his wife’s face in his hands.  “I never could have imagined this life when I first met you, B’Elanna.  Now I can’t imagine it any other way.”

Feeling her eyes get misty, B’Elanna stood on her tiptoes and kissed her husband, then folded herself into his embrace.  “Neither can I.”  They held each other for a long moment, until the antique grandfather clock in the hallway chimed.  “You better get that ham in the oven,” B’Elanna said, pulling away.  “I’m going to put these veggies in a dish and then go change my clothes and get Miral ready.”

“Aye, sir,” Tom joked.

B’Elanna swatted him playfully, and then brought out a bowl for the carrots while he took care of the ham.  The cooking complete for the moment, B’Elanna hurried upstairs to change into some nicer clothes.  She passed Miral’s room where she and Chakotay were sitting on the floor, deeply involved in putting together a model starship that Miral had gotten for her birthday.  “Just a few more minutes, kids,” she quipped.  “Then we have to get ready for dinner.”

“Okay, Mom,” Chakotay joked back.  He wasn’t sure why they had to dress up for an intimate family dinner, but B’Elanna had laid down the rules, and, as a guest, he could hardly disobey.  He turned back to his young companion.  “Let’s finish this piece, and then we’ll take a break so we can get dressed for dinner, okay?”

“Okay, Uncle Chakotay.”  Miral suddenly scooted closer to her uncle and wrapped her arms around him.  “Uncle Chakotay?”

“What?”

“I love you.”

He smiled and wrapped his arms around the little girl.  “I love you, too, Mira-mir.”

Half an hour later, he had showered and was dressed in a nice pair of black slacks with a white t-shirt and blazer.  He rubbed some product into his hair and then put his belongings back in his suitcase in the guest room where he was staying.  His gifts for Tom, B’Elanna and Miral had been placed under their Christmas tree, but the caladrian crystal star was still in his suitcase.      He opened the box and picked it up, turning it over in his hand.  It glistened as it caught the light from the bedside lamp.  It shimmered just like Kathryn’s eyes did when she was particularly excited or happy.  He missed her eyes.  He missed her smile.  He missed her laugh.  She’d sent him a short message a few days earlier, and he’d sent a short reply—“All is well.  Thinking of you, too.  Merry Christmas.”  She’d asked him about his holiday plans, but he hadn’t told her he was coming to Tom and B’Elanna’s.  He hadn’t wanted her to feel obligated to come for a visit, or guilty if she already had plans with her family.  Now he wondered if perhaps he should have told her, or made plans for a side trip to Earth.  On Voyager, they had always shared at least part of the Christmas party with each other, either by exchanging a gift, enjoying a dance, or simply sitting quietly in the corner of the mess hall with two mugs of Sandra Peterson’s mulled wine.  This was the first time he’d celebrated Christmas since their _Voyager_ days, and he found he wanted to see her desperately. 

He sighed.  Another time, he told himself.  Then, Dorothy’s words from the gift shop came back to him, “Life is short, young man.  If you want to tell this woman how special she is to you, there’s no time like the present, and there’s certainly no time like the holidays.  It’s the best time of year to show people that you care about them.”  He resolved that the next day while Tom and B’Elanna were out at the Parises, he would call Kathryn and have a real conversation with her.  It had been far too long since they had done that.

He put the crystal star back in the box and closed his suitcase just as Miral burst into his room, dressed in a red party dress.  “Uncle Chakotay!” she exclaimed.  “We need to set the table!”

“Don’t you look pretty,” he said.

She twirled around, reveling in the dress as it flared out around her as she spun.  “Do you like my dress?” she asked.

“It’s beautiful.  Perfect for a Christmas party.”  He picked her up, and she squealed with delight as he carried her down the stairs.  

Tom and B’Elanna were back in the kitchen, taking dishes out for the dining room table.  They had both dressed for the party, too, although Miral was the belle of the evening.  Chakotay helped set the table while Miral followed him in and out of the kitchen.  “Miral, don’t get in the way,” her father warned.

“It’s okay, Tom,” Chakotay said.  Then he handed Miral a set of forks.  “Can you put one of these at each place?”

“Yes, Uncle Chakotay.”  Miral walked slowly around the table, carefully placing a fork next to each plate.

The door chimed, and Chakotay, who had walked back into the kitchen, looked from B’Elanna to Tom.  “Are you expecting anyone else?”

“No," B’Elanna replied, her expression neutral.  “It must be some sort of a delivery.  Maybe it’s a package from Tom’s parents.  Would you answer it, Chakotay?  We have our hands full.”  Indeed, Tom was examining the meat thermometer in the ham while B’Elanna prepared a salad.

“Sure.”  He walked to the entryway of the house, opened the door, and froze.  

The figure standing on the front steps also froze after inhaling sharply in surprise.  She stood without moving, bottle of wine in hand, her blue-grey eyes sparkling.

Chakotay took in the figure before him.  She wore a dark green winter coat with a belt that tied around her waist.  His eyes followed the line of her coat down to thin ankles and high heeled shoes, and then back up to auburn hair and sparkling eyes.

“Are you going to leave me standing out here all night?” she asked, finding her voice first.

“Kathryn,” he breathed.  Then he realized that she was standing outside in the cold, and he ushered her in, closing the door behind her.  “Can I, uh, can I take your coat?”  He took the bottle of wine from her and placed it on the sideboard.

“Thanks,” she replied, untying the belt on her coat and undoing the buttons.  She felt his hands caress her shoulders as he removed the coat, and his touch sent a tingle down her spine.  “I didn’t know you were going to be here,” she said.

“I didn't know you were coming, either.”  He hung her coat in the coat closet near the entryway and then turned around to look at her.  She was wearing a very flattering black dress and sparkling high heeled shoes.  “You look beautiful.”

“You clean up pretty good yourself,” she replied with a wink, acknowledging that their words mirrored the exchange they’d had on the very first Christmas they’d celebrated together.  “I have to admit,” she said, grabbing the bottle of wine she’d brought and starting to walk towards the kitchen, “I did think it was strange that Tom and B’Elanna wanted me to dress up for a quiet family dinner at home.”

“Me, too.  I think we’ve been ‘had.’”  She turned to look at him with a smile, and he added, “But in the best way possible.”  Then he called out, “Tom, B’Elanna, Miral!”

Miral was the first to come running.  “Auntie Kathryn!” she cried, throwing herself at her favorite aunt as Tom took the bottle of wine from Kathryn.

Tom put the wine aside and then both he and B’Elanna gave Kathryn warm hugs.  “We’re so glad you could make it,” B’Elanna said.

“So am I,” Kathryn replied.  “And I see you have a surprise guest as well.”

“Actually,” said Tom, “you’re the surprise guest.”

“I see,” said Kathryn, putting her hands on her hips, feigning anger.  “Why did no one see fit to tell me about this?”  She gave Tom, B’Elanna and Chakotay each her best captain’s glare, and they all burst out laughing.

“Can I get everyone some mulled wine?” Tom asked as the laughter died down.  Chakotay and Kathryn answered affirmatively, and glasses were quickly passed around.  Everyone made their way into the living room with their glasses, and when Chakotay patted the seat beside him, Kathryn didn’t hesitate to join him, sitting close enough that their knees pressed together.  

They drank mulled wine and caught up on what each of the others had been working on.  Miral alternated between sitting on her daddy’s lap and Uncle Chakotay’s as the adults talked about their work and their day-to-day lives.  “I haven’t had a day off in about three months,” Kathryn admitted, “but I enjoy what I’m doing.”

“Have you ever had more than a day off in three months?” Tom teased.

“Well,” she admitted, “even I have started to feel like perhaps I need to take a little more time for myself.”

Chakotay gaped at her, partially in real shock, and partially for show.  “Who are you, and what did you do with Kathryn Janeway?” he jested.

“It’s an imposter,” Tom said.  “The real Kathryn Janeway is still in her office at Starfleet Headquarters.”

“In that case,” Kathryn shot back, “the real Kathryn Janeway can keep all the presents she brought for Christmas.”

“Presents?”  Miral’s attention instantly went to her Auntie Kathryn.  

“You have to wait until later, sweetie,” Tom told his daughter.

“If your parents are good little girls and boys,” Kathryn warned.  “Otherwise, Auntie Kathryn will take all the presents home with her.”

Miral’s face instantly scrunched up in consternation.  “Please, Mommy, Daddy, be good.”

“Don’t worry, honey,” said B’Elanna, “your Aunt Kathryn is only joking.  We’ll have presents later.”

“Right now it’s time for dinner,” said Tom.  “I think the ham is ready.”  He and B’Elanna stood and went into the kitchen, where they put the food out on the counter.

“Grab a plate off the table!” B’Elanna said.  “We’re doing buffet style.”

While Tom and B’Elanna dealt with their own plates and Miral’s, Chakotay took two plates off the table and handed one to Kathryn. 

“Thank you,” she said.  

“There was an extra place setting all along,” Chakotay said, looking at the table, bemused.  “I should have realized.”

Kathryn laughed.  “That’s all right.  I’m sure that Miral did her best to distract you.”  

“Probably so.”

Kathryn stopped midway to the kitchen.  “When did you decide to come here for Christmas?”

“About a week ago.  I wasn’t going to take time off, originally, but then I decided…  Well, I decided I really missed my family.”  He gestured to his surroundings.  “This family.”  She nodded her understanding, and he asked, “What about you?”

“Just a few days ago.  Same reasons.  Actually, I have an idea I want to discuss with all of you at dinner.”  She followed Chakotay into the kitchen where they filled their plates with food.

When everyone was seated at the dinner table, Chakotay raised his glass.  “Merry Christmas,” he said.  “To family.  Thanks for being mine.”  Under the table, he felt Kathryn’s hand squeeze his knee, and as he clinked his glass to hers, he had to remind himself not to get lost in the depths of her eyes.

“We’re glad you’re here,” said Tom, “both of you.”

The clinking and clattering of silverware permeated the room, and as everyone began to eat, Chakotay asked, “So, Kathryn, what’s the idea you wanted to share?”

She had a mouthful of ham and held up a hand while she chewed and swallowed.  Everyone at the table was looking at her with curiosity.  “I think we should have a _Voyager_ reunion,” she said.  “I keep in touch with almost everyone individually, but it’s not the same as all being together in the same place.  I’d like to organize something, if you all approve.”

“I think it’s a wonderful idea,” said Chakotay.  “I’ll help you.”

“You can take time out of your schedule on Caladria?” Kathryn asked.

“I’ll make time.”

“We’ll be there,” said Tom.

“Yes,” B’Elanna added.  “It sounds like a wonderful idea.”

“Can I go?” Miral piped up.

“Of course, sweetie.  You were born on _Voyager_.”

“What about the baby in Mommy’s tummy?” Miral asked.  “It wasn’t born on _Voyager_.”

The sound of forks and knives on plates suddenly stopped as Kathryn’s and Chakotay’s eyes went to B’Elanna, then to Tom, and back to B’Elanna again.

B’Elanna blushed.  “Tom and I were going to keep it to ourselves a little while longer, but I guess the cat’s out of the bag now.  I’m pregnant.”

“Oh, B’Elanna, that’s wonderful,” said Kathryn.  “Congratulations.”

“Yes, Congratulations,” Chakotay echoed.

“I’m going to be a big sister,” Miral said proudly.

“You’re the first ones to know,” said B’Elanna.  “Please don’t tell anyone else yet.”

“Your secret is safe with us,” Chakotay assured her.  “I can’t speak for your daughter, however.”

The dinner table conversation continued as the adults talked about the new baby and Kathryn’s reunion idea.  Miral occasionally chimed in her own two cents, too, often making everyone laugh in the process.  After dinner, the group retired back to the living room.

“I should be going soon if I want to catch the last transport back to Earth,” Kathryn said as they all sat around the fire in the living room fireplace.

Tom and B’Elanna exchanged a glance.  “Please stay,” B’Elanna said.  “We’d like for you to be here on Christmas morning.  We can open gifts then.  Late morning, we’ll go to my parents, and you can feel free to stay or go back to Earth, whatever you want to do, but it would really mean a lot to us, and to Miral, if you’d spend the night.”

“Please, Auntie Kathryn!” Miral pleaded.

“I’ll sleep on the couch,” Chakotay offered.  “You can have the guest bed.”

Kathryn looked at the faces of her friends and her ‘niece,’ who were all looking at her with big pleading eyes.  Her gaze finally settled on Chakotay, whom she hadn’t been able to spend nearly enough time with tonight.  “All right,” she relented, her eyes locked with his, “I’ll stay.”

“Yay!” Miral cried, doing a little victory dance in the center of the room.

“Miral,” came Tom’s voice in a stern tone, “it’s time for bed.”

“But I’m not tired yet,” Miral argued.

“Miral, if you don’t go to bed tonight, do you know what will happen?” Tom asked.  She shook her head.  “Santa only comes to visit good little girls who are asleep,” he reminded his daughter.

“Okay, Daddy, I’m ready for bed,” she said immediately.

“Wish your aunt and uncle a good night,” B’Elanna said, and Miral hugged Chakotay and Kathryn and said goodnight to them.  Tom and B’Elanna took her upstairs to her room, leaving Chakotay and Kathryn alone in the living room, sitting next to each other on the couch.

For a moment, they stayed there, still, listening to the fire crackling.  Kathryn sat back against the cushions, and Chakotay let his arm fall across the back of the couch behind her.  “I’m glad you came,” Chakotay said softly, “and I’m glad you stayed.”

“Me, too,” she admitted.  They lapsed into silence again, and sat there, contented, listening to the fire.  

Tom and B’Elanna came downstairs after putting Miral to bed.  They quietly arranged Miral’s Christmas stocking in the crook of one of the armchairs, and then wished Kathryn and Chakotay a good night.  “Don’t stay up too late, you two,” Tom teased.

As the couple walked up to bed, Kathryn heard B’Elanna say to her husband, “You’ve been waiting years for the chance to say that to them, haven’t you?”  They were out of earshot by the time Tom issued an acerbic reply.

With Tom, B’Elanna and Miral in bed, the house grew quiet.  The fire had burned down to embers, and the lights on the Christmas tree cast an iridescent glow over the room.  Chakotay let his arm slip lower, so it rested around Kathryn’s shoulders, and he was relieved when, instead of pulling away, she relaxed into him, leaning against his chest.  He leaned down to press his lips against her forehead.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” she asked, gesturing to the tree.

“Not as beautiful as you,” he murmured, tightening his arm around her.

This time, she did pull away from his embrace, so that she could turn to face him.  “Chakotay,” she started, blushing.

He shook his head to stop her from continuing.  “You are beautiful,” he said.  “I’m sorry I never told you.”

“You’ve told me, at least once.”

“At the first _Voyager_ Christmas party.”  He paused.  “That was the first Christmas I ever enjoyed.”  He paused again, searching for the right words.  “And this is the first Christmas I’ve enjoyed since we were on _Voyager_.”

“Really?  I’m sorry.  I should have invited you to be with my family.”

“It’s all right.  I wouldn’t have wanted to intrude.  Everything has been… fine… since we got home.  But in spite of that, I keep feeling like my life is missing something.  You’ve always been so driven by your work, but life has never been about that for me; it’s always been about the people.  In the Maquis, it was the people—I joined because of my father, my sisters, other people I knew who’d been hurt by the Cardassians, and then later on it became about protecting the people I knew.  _Voyager_ was about the people, too.  It was about the community we built and the life we forged together.  Since the day we were all reassigned, I haven’t felt that sense of community again.”

“You helped create those communities, Chakotay.”

“I know, and I started thinking about that over the past few weeks.  I don’t know why I haven’t done it since then.  Am I making any sense?  Do you ever feel like something is missing?”

Kathryn looked into the dark eyes of the man who had stood by her side for seven years.  They’d now been apart for nearly as long, but somehow, sitting next to him on this couch, she felt as though they hadn’t been apart for a single day.  She realized that she knew exactly what Chakotay was talking about.  “All the time,” she replied softly.  “I just never let myself think about it.”

He extended his hand between them, palm up, and she placed her palm in his, interlacing their fingers.  “I’ve missed this,” he admitted quietly, caressing the back of her hand with his thumb.  “Talking with you, I mean.  I’ve missed you.”

She squeezed his hand.  “I’ve missed you, too.”  Kathryn savored the feeling of his big hand surrounding hers and watched the embers dance in the fireplace.  “I’ve had a lot of time to think about _Voyager_ ,” she said.  “I carried a lot of guilt and fear out there, and I made decisions based on that.  It took me a long time to understand those feelings and let go of them.”

“We both did the best we could out there, Kathryn.”

“Yes,” she agreed, “I think we did.  And I don’t regret our lives on _Voyager_.  Now, I can finally look back on those seven years and remember the good times.”

“I’m glad to hear that.  Because there were some good times.”

She laughed.  “Like the time Neelix decided everyone should learn how to ski on the holodeck?”

“Yes, and half the crew ended up on their backside in the snow.”  He chuckled.  “It’s a good thing the holodeck safeties were on, or the Doc would have been mending a lot of broken bones.”

“Or the time that Megan Delaney organized that production of Much Ado About Nothing,” Kathryn added.

“Oh, yes!  I had forgotten about that.  Ken Dalby’s rendition of Benedick… I had never known he could act!”

“What about the time I performed the Dying Swan for Neelix’s talent night?”

“Our moonlight sail on Lake George.”

“Finishing off your Antarian cider the night after you burned out the deflector dish.”

“The year that Tom and Harry turned half the mess hall into a dance floor on Christmas Eve,” Chakotay said.

“That was a fun Christmas Eve.”

Chakotay looked down at their entwined fingers.  His most vivid memory from that particular year was taking Kathryn’s hand and pulling her onto the dance floor, holding her close, feeling the soft velvet of her green dress under his fingers.  It had been the last Christmas that Kes had been with them, before the fear and guilt that Kathryn had mentioned had really started to take hold—before Ransom and Teero and Quarra.  On impulse, Chakotay stood, tugging Kathryn’s hand.

“Chakotay, what are you doing?” she asked, laughing.

He kept her hand in his and wrapped his other arm around her waist, pulling her against him.  “Kathryn Janeway, may I have this dance?” 

“We don’t have any music,” she protested half-heartedly.

“Do we need music?” he asked, swaying gently.

“Of course we need music for dancing,” she replied, although the twinkle in her eyes belied her enjoyment.

He tightened his arm around her waist and lowered his chin next to her ear so their cheeks were almost touching.  “Have yourself a merry little Christmas,” he intoned.  “Let your heart be light.  From now on our troubles will be out of sight.”

His deep baritone voice was a little gravely, his pitch nowhere near as good as the Doctor’s or Seven’s, but Kathryn enjoyed the rumble of his voice in his chest, the heat of his breath against her skin, the tantalizing closeness of his lips.  “Here we are as in olden days,” she recited, speaking the words because she she knew she couldn’t carry a tune, “happy golden days of yore.”  She pulled back and looked up at him.  “Faithful friends who are dear to us gather near to us once more.”

Chakotay stopped his gentle swaying as their eyes met.  The glow of firelight and Christmas tree lights illuminated her face, and she looked up at him, her eyes sparkling, her heart open.  He felt joy permeate his soul, and slowly, he leaned down, pressing his lips to hers.

Kathryn moaned softly as his lips explored hers.  They were soft, softer than she would have imagined, and he tasted of spiced wine, chocolate, and another flavor that was uniquely his.  She nipped at his bottom lip, and her tongue sought entrance into his mouth.  His arms tightened around her, pulling her body flush against his.  Lips and tongues tangled together for a long moment before they pulled away, foreheads touching, breathing heavily.  “Some dance,” Kathryn whispered breathlessly.

Chakotay burst out laughing and then quickly covered his mouth, not wanting to wake their hosts.  “Yes, it was, wasn’t it?  Merry Christmas, Kathryn.”  He leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers again.

“Merry Christmas, Chakotay.”

The antique grandfather clock in the hall chimed two o’clock.  “I guess we should get to bed,” Chakotay said reluctantly.  “I’ll see you in the morning.  Do you have plans for tomorrow?”

“I don’t.  Normally I spend it with my family, but my mother and sister are away this year.”

“Would you like to spend the day with me?”

“I’d love to.  I can’t think of a better way to spend Christmas.”

“Good,” Chakotay said.  “Now, let me get a few things out of the bedroom, and then you can have it.  I’ll sleep on the couch.”

“I don’t want to kick you out of your room…”

“No, I insist.”  He leaned forward and kissed her again.  “If we don’t go to bed soon in separate rooms I’ll be far too tempted to keep you up all night.”

“Hmm,” she said, running her hands up and down his broad chest.  “That doesn’t sound so bad.”

He captured her hands in both of his and pressed his lips against her knuckles.  “All in good time, my dearest.  All in good time.”  He released her hands and stepped away, then hurriedly retreated to the bedroom, where he grabbed a few items and closed his suitcase, not wanting her to see the crystal star.  She met him at the door to the bedroom and placed one last, long, lingering kiss on his lips before saying goodnight and closing

Chakotay lay awake on the sofa for a long time, his thoughts racing.  That morning, he’d been thinking of sending Kathryn a gift as a way to repair their waning friendship.  Now, he could think of nothing but holding her in his arms again and imagine what their future might hold.  Finally, he drifted off only to dream of Kathryn lying next to him, their bodies entwined.  
  


* * *

  
On Christmas morning, Chakotay was awoken by the excited voice of his young niece.  “Santa came!  Santa came!” she exclaimed.  “Uncle Chakotay, Santa came!”

Chakotay opened his eyes, confused for a moment about why he was on the couch, until memories from the previous night came rushing back to him.  _Kathryn…_ He sat up slowly, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.  Miral was standing in front of him, still in her pajamas, jumping up and down with excitement.  “Come on, Uncle Chakotay,” she said tugging on his hand to pull him into the other room.

Obediently, Chakotay followed Miral into the living room, where Santa had left her presents, and Tom and B’Elanna were both sitting near the tree.  Chakotay sat down in one of the armchairs, and Miral began to show her uncle her gifts.

“What time did you two finally go to bed?” B’Elanna asked, failing to disguise her curiosity.

“Um, around two,” Chakotay said, feigning nonchalance, as Miral showed him a puzzle Santa had brought.  “We had a lot to talk about.”

“Talk?” Tom teased.  “Is that what you call it these days?”

“Help me put it together!” the little girl insisted, dumping the pieces out of the box and onto the floor.

At that moment, Kathryn appeared at the top of the stairwell.  “Good morning,” she said.  “Merry Christmas.”

A chorus of, “Merry Christmases” went around the room.  

Chakotay’s chair was at the bottom of the stairwell, and Kathryn stopped when she reached it, placing a hand on his shoulder and leaning down to kiss his cheek before finding a seat in another armchair.

Across the room, Tom and B’Elanna exchanged a glance, both of them grinning.

After Miral had shown everyone what Santa had brought and everyone had been supplied with a warm morning beverage, Tom said, “We’ll need to get going soon, but before we do, I think there are a few presents to open.”

“Presents!” Miral exclaimed.

“Miral, will you help pass them out?” B’Elanna asked.  The little girl nodded, and her mother instructed her which packages to hand to Uncle Chakotay and which were for Auntie Kathryn.  Chakotay, following suit, asked Miral to hand his packages to her mother and father, and Kathryn did the same.

Then Kathryn pulled out her own package for Miral, who opened it excitedly as the adults opened their gifts.  Everyone was delighted with their presents, but even more than opening their own packages, they enjoyed watching Miral open hers.  Kathryn had gotten Miral a beginner science kit, which Miral wanted to start playing with immediately, but her father said they’d have to wait until they got home from grandma and grandpa’s.  

Finally, it was time for Uncle Chakotay’s gift.  He pulled the large, wrapped box from under the tree and handed it to his niece.  He caught Kathryn’s eye, grinning as he watched Miral unwrap the box enthusiastically.  When she saw what was inside, she shrieked with delight.  “A doll!  My own doll!”  She brought the doll over to Tom.  “Look, Daddy!  A Starfleet doll!”

“A Starfleet captain,” Tom observed, seeing the fake pips on the doll’s collar.

“You can go on adventures with her when I’m not here,” Chakotay said.

Miral held up the doll, clearly ready to start an adventure right at that moment.

“What do you say to Uncle Chakotay?” B’Elanna asked.

“Thank you,” Miral said.  Chakotay opened his arms, and Miral ran to him for a big hug.  Chakotay held the little girl tightly, glad that his gift had been such a big hit.

“Okay,” said B’Elanna, “it’s time to get ready to go, honey.”  She turned to Janeway and Chakotay.  “Please make yourselves at home.  We won’t be back until late.”

“Thank you,” Chakotay replied, and in less than an hour, he and Kathryn were alone in the house.

She was on her third cup of coffee and already absorbed in a book, a work of fiction that B’Elanna had given her.  She looked so comfortable and cozy sitting in the armchair with her coffee and her book that Chakotay didn’t want to disturb her.  He passed her chair.  “Stay right there,” he said, leaning down to kiss her lips.

“You don’t have to tell me twice,” she replied.  She was so absorbed in the book that she was barely aware of the passage of time.  She’d gotten through another chapter by the time Chakotay returned.  

“Breakfast, my lady,” he said, giving her a mock bow.

He had prepared a wonderful Christmas breakfast for two, with eggs and muffins, and of course a fresh carafe of coffee for Kathryn.  He took her hand and led her to the table.  They ate, talking about Miral, Tom, B’Elanna, the rest of their crew.  They began to plan the first _Voyager_ reunion, discussing possible dates and how they would make it happen.

After breakfast, Chakotay led Kathryn back to the Christmas tree.  “As it turns out,” he said, “I do have a gift for you.  I was going to send it, but now I don’t have to.”  He handed her a box, which he had wrapped while she’d been absorbed in her book.

“I don’t know what to say.  I don’t have anything for you…”

“Just open it.  It reminded me of you, and I couldn’t resist.”

She sat down on the couch where they had been sitting the previous night, and he watched as she unwrapped the box, then opened it.  Amidst the tissue paper, she found the crystal star.  “Chakotay, it’s beautiful,” she breathed.

“It’s caladrian crystal,” he explained.  “One of a kind.”

“It’s gorgeous.  Thank you.”

He sat down next to her and took the star out of her hands.  He put it back in the box, then placed the box on the floor so he could take both of her hands in his.  “Kathryn, I lay awake half the night thinking about you, about this, about us.” He paused, looking at her earnestly.  “I don’t expect it to be easy, but I want to make this work.”

She smiled and leaned forward to kiss him.  “Let’s just take it one day at a time, okay?  Can we start with that?”

He nodded.  “That sounds good.”  He extended his arm so she could nestle against him, and she laid her arm over his chest, drawing lazy circles on his sweater with her fingertips.  “Do you have a tree for your star?” he asked.  “Hang a shining star upon the highest bough, and all that, right?”

“I don’t have a tree,” she admitted.  “I don’t have a single Christmas decoration in my apartment.  But maybe next year, I will.”

Chakotay smiled and tightened his arm around her.  He had a feeling that in the next year, a lot was going to change for both of them. 


	3. Epilogue

“Uncle Chakotay, Auntie Kathryn, look at my dress!” Miral exclaimed as she entered her aunt and uncle’s home and took off her coat.

“It’s beautiful,” Kathryn replied, taking Miral’s coat while Chakotay took the baby from B’Elanna.

“Merry Christmas,” Tom said, shedding his coat and taking his wife’s as well.

“Merry Christmas,” Kathryn replied, taking all the coats so she could put them in the laundry room.  “Seven and the Doctor are already here.  Harry and Lily should be here any minute.  Sam and Naomi are on their, way, too.  Chakotay, hon, would you get Tom and B’Elanna some mulled wine?”

“Of course,” Chakotay said, bouncing Miral’s little brother in his arms.  Tom and B’Elanna followed Chakotay into the kitchen, where he handed the baby back to Tom so he could ladle the warm wine out of the pot on the stove.

“How are you liking the house?” Tom asked.

“It’s great,” Chakotay replied.  He and Kathryn had moved into the large log cabin in Colorado a few months earlier.  She still had her apartment in San Francisco, which they frequently stayed at when their business kept them at Starfleet Headquarters, but the big, old house was perfect for cozy winter weekends and warm summer nights alike.  “Life is great,” he continued enthusiastically.  “What about you guys?”

“Well, this little guy is still keeping us up at all hours of the night,” B’Elanna admitted, gesturing to the baby, “but of course we love him, and Miral is a great big sister.”

Chakotay handed B’Elanna and Tom each a glass of the mulled wine.  They could hear Miral’s excited voice as she talked to the Doctor about her new little brother.  “We should go rescue him,” Tom said, and escorted his wife into the other room with a hand on her lower back.

Chakotay was alone in the kitchen for a moment, and he checked on the food cooking in the oven and inhaled the delicious smells.  He smiled to himself.  When he and Kathryn had bought the house, the first thing they had decided was that they wanted to have regular gatherings with their _Voyager_ family, starting with making the _Voyager_ Christmas Eve party an annual tradition once again.  This was their first time hosting the party, and it was already off to a great start.  As Chakotay chopped some onions for the salad, he heard the sound of the door chime, and heard Kathryn greet Harry and his wife Lily.  He heard voices as Kathryn escorted them both into the living room and encouraged Lily to sit down, as she was several months pregnant.  Then he heard footsteps approaching the kitchen and felt a pair of arms surround him.  He turned to face the woman embracing him.

“Harry and Lily are here,” Kathryn said.

“I heard.”  He took her face between his hands and leaned down to kiss her.  “Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight?”

“You might have mentioned it,” she replied, blushing.

“Later, I’ll show you,” he said, running his hands down her back and over the curve of her buttocks.

“Mmm,” she murmured.  “We might have to kick our guests out early in that case.”

He smiled and kissed her again, but they were interrupted by the door chime.  “I’ll get it,” he offered.  “You take Harry his wine.”  While Kathryn ladled another cup of wine, Chakotay answered the door and welcomed more of _Voyager_ ’s crew into their home.  

The party was a great success, with dinner, wine, and a great deal of happy conversation and laughter.  Towards the end of the evening, Harry brought out his clarinet, and the Doctor and Seven began to lead everyone in singing Christmas carols.  Miral and Naomi had asked for all their favorite songs, and they had sung many of the standard carols.  Finally, the Doctor asked if there was one last request.

“I have one,” said Chakotay.  “How about, Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas?”

The Doctor and Seven started to sing while Harry played along in harmony.

Chakotay made his way across the room to where Kathryn was standing.  He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close as they listened to the familiar carol.  They looked out at their community, their family.  "Through the years we all will be together," the Doctor and Seven sang.  And as they sang about hanging a shining star, Chakotay looked to the top of their Christmas tree, where the caladrian crystal star he had given Kathryn the previous year was proudly displayed.

It was getting late, well past bedtime for some of the children.  Kathryn and Chakotay wished everyone a Merry Christmas, and then the house was quiet and they were left alone.  “I think that was a very successful party,” Kathryn observed, her hands on her hips.

Chakotay smiled and grabbed her hand, guiding her into the living room in front of the tree.  He pulled her into his arms and ordered the computer to play traditional Christmas music.

Kathryn laughed as Chakotay began to sway in time with the music.  “Is this a tradition now?” she asked.

“Our tradition,” he affirmed.  “It’s a pretty good one, don’t you think?”  She didn’t get a chance to answer him as his lips came down onto hers and he pulled her body closer.  When he broke the kiss, he murmured, “Last year, I couldn’t end this dance quite the way I wanted to.”  His hands slipped tantalizingly lower on her body.  “As I recall, I felt compelled to be a gentleman and let you have the bed while I slept on the couch.”

“And this year?” she asked seductively.

“This year?” he replied.  “This year, I’m taking you to bed with me.”

“I would hope so,” Kathryn replied, standing on her tiptoes to kiss him.

“This year,” he added, “Christmas is absolutely perfect.” 

She grinned.  “I agree.”

And as they danced, Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas began to play.

  
_Through the years, we all will be together_   
_If the fates allow_   
_Hang a shining star upon the highest bow_   
_And have yourself a merry little Christmas now_


End file.
